Beat the Joke Above You!

Its exactly as it sounds like. It could be a joke or a funny story you have. Either one.

So heres one a customer told me one day when he went through my till

So, Two cannibals were eating a clown. After a while they turned to each other and one of them asked
"Does something taste funny to you?"

Haha! Good one! XD

I don't know alot of clean, appropriate jokes... but let me see if I can think of one I do know.

Q: What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead cheetah?
A: Wow! New underwear!

i apologize, my DnD group said this one, and its terribly horrible, but....you cant help but to laugh D=

Q: Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A: The Wheelchair.

OMG WAS THAT OWEN!? XD *dies laughing* thats really hard to beat... *thinks*

"IT GOES TO THE LEFT!"

*shot for inside joke*

Nope, it was the school group. not owen lol.

LOL oh god. we still make jokes about that xD
since im such a party pooper when it comes to inside jokes, im gonna explain what "IT GOES TO THE LEFT" is all about xD
So, We were doing a Gurren Lagann cosplay at Otafest. Otafest is in Calgary and is normally some time in May. The group i was with finally let me come along, Well, on Saturday we Cosplayed Gurren Lagaan. I was Nia, my boyfriend was Simon, we also had a Rossiu, Kamina, Yoko andlast but not least, we had a Kittan, Owen was cosplaying Kittan. We were all cosplaying the time-skip versions. so he was wearing a full body suit! And in the morning, i got dropped off at their hotel around....maybe 7:30? xD So i waited outside of their door for about a good hour, when they finally woke up and let me in, Owen walks in about 10 minutes later, and pointing to his crotch he yells "IT GOES TO THE LEFT!!" he was showing it off for csome reason xD'''Maybe he was proving that he actually had something but either way....xD''''

Kay so, here's one

So in my art class we have 2 Jens, Jen and Jenna. So they were talking about which actor they thought was most attractive. So then after a bit of a heated disscussion, They finally come to a conclusion of sorts. So Jen says "If you didnt agree with me on that one, i'd have to kill you" So then i pipe up and say

"And while you try to kill Jenna, and if she kills you in the process, It'll be a Jenocide. (instead of genocide) Get it?"

you are the joke.
sorry. thats the best i casn think of.

hahah! Better than nothing i suppose!

This is another horrible joke but...here goes nothing.

Q: whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

A:

Spoiler:

Yes i think its so horrible i put it in a spoiler. xD

@Elliot: Haven't you posted that already? @___@

Two atoms were walking across a road when one of them said,
- "I think I lost an electron!"
- "Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?"
- "Yes, I 'm absolutely positive."

Is it bad that I find it funny? ^^;;;;;;;

LOL OMG LEO THATS GREAT xD

Here's one that i was told today. i thought it was pretty good.

How ironic would it be if the entire world went blind in 2020?

get it???

@Kyra: I think I understand, EYE-ronic instead of ironic~!

.....Kon, you are my hero for making that pun ;w;



Here.

OH I understand the eye one now, 2020 is a type of vistion...I can't believe I didn't notice that intill now XD;

LOL butter joke

The "margarine" for error X3

---

Sadly I don't know any jokes ^^;

umm
A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

That's hilarious abbeytre3!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my brother's joke:

Q: Why'd the woodpecker peck another bird?

A: He got peckish

heh I think Bud needs to make up new jokes...... He's been saying bad jokes repeatedly for the past ten minutes

@Abbey: Hahaha I love that joke XD XD XD

@Ada: I did laugh so the joke wasn't that bad XD;;;; And haha your brother sounds awesome

This is a very famous maths joke (I think?), I'm just gonna post it here for the fun of it
...... Oh gosh I can't write it out T__T. Wait a min, gonna post it then.

i (imaginary number) and π (pi) had an argument @^@:


Cookies for anyone who laughs with me =v=;;;

Sorry but I can't laugh at it because it's maths. ;A;
Maths -->reminds me of the homework I still have to do and which I don't get at all so it makes me rather sad ;_;

Two muffins in a baking oven:
First muffin: "Damn it's so hot in here..."
Second muffin: "OMG a talking muffin!!"

@Lacie: Lol that muffin one is funny XD XD XD And I didn't quite expect anyone to laugh at the one I quoted because the joke was about maths =v=;;;;;; I don't think anyone likes maths >___>.

In the courtroom:
Judge: What did you do to try to prevent the accident?
Defendant: I closed my eyes and screamed as loud as I could....

i loled at the math joke i guess that means im lame my brother said that hes gonna sic that one one his math class. i have another joke, im in mock trial and we were doing a case that there was this guy who was driving a train and texting and ran into a car, he sent a text one minute before the crash and one minnute after. i raised my hand and asked what he posibly could have texted after the acident, " WTF a car just hit me LOL"

@Abbey: No worries Abbey, I loled at the maths joke as well XD;;;;;; So if that's lame then we can be lame together And yay to your brother~! And oh lol XD XD XD "A car just hit me" XD;;;;;;;

Ok, this joke is lame but it was the first time someone ever laughed at my joke so XD;;;

It was a Sunday morning and the students were having breakfast in the dining hall (yep, it was a boarding school ~). That morning, for some reasons, people kept dropping their dishes on the way to the table so my friend was wondering "What is happening with everyone?" and I replied "Well, people keep breaking their dishes because it's BREAKfast"

Aftermath: There was a long long pause before someone actually laughed out loud T__T. Well I'm lame XD;;

i laughed at that soo i found another one. i was wondering, there isn't a limit to # of posts right?

Theres a lady getting a heart transplant. The surgeon gives her three choices, an Olympic athlete who died when he fell off a cliff, a regular government lawyer who had cancer, and a lawyer that practiced for 60 years before dieing. The woman chose the lawyer. After the operation, the surgeon asked her why she went with the lawyer, her response? "I wanted a heart that had never been used."

@ abbeytre3
haha your joke is funny
ok here is mine
Teacher To Student:
Teacher: kid, your essay on"My Dog" is exactly same as your brother, did u copy from him??
Kid: No,teacher it's about the same dog..

@Abbey: That joke is hilarious XD XD Although XD;;;; I'm currently a law student so =v=;;;; Noooo I have a heart!!!!!!!!!

and i hope u dont lose it

so my mom got really mad at my messy room and said , "you just earned the privilege to do your own laundry." she wasn't very happy with my reply, "So if i do something wrong will you do my laundry again?"

so this is the best one i could come up with at the moment. my mom got madder but my dad laughed. i promise that next time it will be funnier.

@Abbey: I'll make sure I won't lose it XD;;; And hahaha that's pretty incredible XD I can never talk back to my parents =v=;; ~!

Something I came across
"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

I love these kinds of puns ~~~~~~~ XD